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    • #9929
      Christopher Ryan
      Keymaster

      One a month, I’ll be releasing a video ROMA exclusively for podcast supporters where I answer supporter questions. I’ll be drawing questions from here, so let the asking begin!

    • #9932
      Patrick Collins
      Participant

      What is the thing where the delta between your interest in it and knowledge of it is widest?

    • #10122
      Alyssa W
      Participant

      How do you keep the darkness at bay? Even when I’m not feeling trapped in my own life, I look at the state of things around me often and just feel so much despair for all the suffering. I know your interactions with intelligent, passionate people probably do a lot to buoy you, but are there other small ways you keep from feeling the weight of the world too heavily?

    • #10190
      Christopher Ryan
      Keymaster

      Hi everyone – thank you for your questions. I uploaded the first video, which you should have all received in your email via Mailchimp, otherwise you can also access it here – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3PTTzpopPw&feature=youtu.be

    • #11500
      jandojando
      Participant

      Do you have knowledge about the MBTI personality type system, and if so, do you think it’s accurate? Do you want to give away the type you identify with?

    • #11566
      TJ
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      I apologize if you have mentioned this before, but I was wondering if there are any certifications/training programs for those that are interested in facilitating psychedelic ceremonies and post ceremony therapy? As ridiculous as it sounds, I am in the strength and conditioning field, but find myself acting more as a lifestyle/health coach lately. I have benefited immensely from psychedelic use and have had “notions” (words fail me, hard to explain what was experienced during ceremonies) that my journey will include helping others experience psychedelics. Although I wouldn’t describe it as a full out shamanic calling, I know I can relate to a specific population that I train. Many come from an extremely “alpha” community and are skeptical of any “woo woo” or “shrink” kind of stuff. I am not looking to turn this into a profession, and ideally I could just send my athletes down to the jungle, but to say they have trust problems might be an understatement. In short, I would like to have some basic entry level training, so when the time arises, I can help an unique population see the benefits of such medicines. I appreciate any comments or advice you have.

      In gratitude,
      TJ

    • #12174
      Adam
      Participant

      Hey Chris,

      I sometimes think about hypocrisy, and wonder why it seems to be a ubiquitous human trait. Do you think it is human nature or a product of civilization?

    • #13181
      Manly
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      When you came to the Big Island, the question I asked you was something I’ve been thinking about for a while. I had written it down and edited it until I felt as though I had reached a satisfying level of economy of words. To be fair, I think this is a question that too should be thought about and given a sufficient amount of time and energy to answer.

      You oftentimes talk about feeling as though the culture is coming back full-circle, with full-circle being a euphemism for the return to the application of knowledge our ancestors, and hunter-gatherers, already had/have. Evidence of this can be found with paradigm shifts regarding: the Monday through Friday work (especially at a physical location) schedule, the give a company 40 years and retire with that company motto, the standard diet, marriage, monogamy, the individualistic culture, and so much more. I concur with you that things seem to be changing. The 1960s 2.0 movement or something. I wonder how Terence McKenna would view, and wax poetically about, the culture today. I remember his speech calling for people to WAKE UP and for the intelligentsia to push back against standard narratives.

      My question was:
      For those who wish to speed up this full-circle change, and/or impact it positively somehow, what advice would you give individuals to assist/impact this?
      I remember when Obama did a Town Hall in Ohio where he was talking about reducing oil consumption. He said that individuals can help with reducing global energy consumption by ensuring the tires on their vehicles are properly inflated. I found this to be an excellent example of something that is simple and contributes to something much bigger.
      Do you think there is something individuals can do to assist with this, what seems to be, culture crisis. What micro do you believe individuals can do that’ll impact the macro? Also, how can we ensure we don’t go too far into tolerance that we may emerge as intolerant? One anecdote I’ll share is that I have a relative in Oregon who absolutely hates going to Portland. He drives an SUV, which has been on the receiving end of eggs and rocks in Portland from people who believe he’s destroying the planet with his SUV. He drives this SUV because he tows his camper around the United States and sleeps where he parks.

      Thanks again for the beers on the Big Island and feel free to hit me up if ever you come back to the Islands.

      Aloha.

    • #13247
      tim.
      Participant

      Hi

      What do you think about accusing other people? I mean accusing other person to be too… or not enough….or doing too much…. etc

      all the best

    • #13337
      jamesvenablescallan
      Participant

      Hi Chris, i have been listening to your podcast since early last year and i love it. I listened to most of the back catalogue whilst I was on the Camino de Santiago along with the DTFH and the Drunken Taoist podcast, and between all three, you really have dramatically changed my life. I really felt like i was forming a healthy balance view on what it is to experience this life.
      I have had problems with heroin and most other drugs for a long time. I have been ‘clean’ for a while now but temptation is always there and I substitute with other things. I tried DMT this year in the hope of some Miracle cure, but instead it took me to a very dark place and I haven’t quite been the same since (this was a few months ago). I have flashbacks frequently and very nihilistic periods but also have, I believe, the ability to experience far more intense pleasure from ‘simple’ things such as the colour of autumn leaves or a night sky. This is, I suppose, a two fold question …. do you have any advice on how to deal with difficult trips and the aftermath, and also what are your thoughts on ego death being painful, or indeed the concept of ego death its self . Thank you so much for the podcast Chris, you really are there when we need you sometimes, please keep it up.
      Sending love to you and all the other listeners around the world ..James from England

    • #13831
      phil3234129
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      You’ve often commented on how Darwin’s writings were misconstrued for years after his death and used for nefarious purposes.

      Have you ever worried how your writings might be misinterpreted years after you die??
      Thanks Chris
      -Phil

    • #14390
      hunter k.
      Participant

      Hey Chris,

      Have you heard of Dr. Bruce Lipton? He wrote the books “Biology of Belief” and “Wisdom of your cells: How your beliefs control your biology.” He was on Joe Rogan’s podcast way back when episode 165. I am not sure if you maybe referenced him in your book I am less than 100 pages in as I do not have as much time to read lately and decided to order the book rather than audiobook. Anyway, I am listening to the wisdom of your cells audio book by Dr Lipton and wow do I see serious comparisons between what he is saying about our cells and bodies and what you say about corporations being organisms. It is seriously too much to even mention and I am not good at recounting it coherently, so I think you should really look him up and DEFINITELY get him on the podcast. I truly think you and the listeners would love what he has to say. For example, he talks about how our gut bacteria makes us the community we really are, not the individual we think we are. He says that the more we get away from the nature the worst of we are. He also discusses how evolution was about cooperation, not competition. He discuses the environment, perception and how it creates our reality, and he demonstrates this in a “good” scientific way. Obviously he discuses the placebo and how our thinking influences our lives in a fundamental way. It is truly some amazing stuff to listen to and learn. I just rambled out the list so you could see the connection I made to the things you say and write about and the type of research he has done in life. Again I think he would be such a great guest to have on the podcast.

      Thanks Chris,
      Hunter

    • #14809
      Christopher Ryan
      Keymaster

      Hi everyone –

      Here is a link to this month’s video ROMA. Went off-script a little bit, but will circle back to some of these questions next time.

      As always, thank you for your support.

    • #15303
      mvalenti01
      Participant

      In general, while doing world travel, how difficult is it to get by when only knowing English? I know that learning some of the local language is the polite thing to do, but language has always been my weakest subject. I feel totally dense and tone deaf in this area. I don’t even feel like I can totally wrap my head around the English language. In grade school I was diagnosed with some form of auditory dyslexia, and it must have something to do with these difficulties. I still haven’t made it out of the US yet, and this is a barrier that intimidates me.

    • #15361
      hunter k.
      Participant

      Hey Chris,

      I’ve heard you over the years mention Basic Universal Income. Have you heard of Andrew Yang? He’s a presidential candidate for the upcoming election. One of the biggest components of his platform is universal income by giving every American 18 years and up $1000 a month. Have you followed him and his debates? He makes other great points that I think you’d like

    • #15534
      hunter k.
      Participant

      .

    • #16199
      Thomas
      Participant

      One of the core assertions in your writing is that intensely social community was the single most important factor in the success of our species. While I agree that the need for community is ancient and essential to a person’s wellbeing, I find it impossible to fully dispel the cultural programming of living my whole life in capitalist America – ‘every man for himself’, ‘nice guys finish last’, self-reliance and rugged individualism, etc. My question is how have you reconciled the idea that what we are most out of sync with from our evolutionary past is our interdependence on each other, with the importance of self-reliance and your life as an individual? I’m a 28-year-old man, and have been living in a similar way you describe your 20s and 30s – traveling, spending time alone immersed in books, tripping by myself, etc. I cannot honestly say my independence has been a bad thing for me, yet I find my thoughts tending to extreme statements like “I don’t need anybody. Needing people is weak.” I know that’s unhealthy for me and my relationships. I don’t even believe it intellectually or emotionally. I have solid relationships with friends and family, but these thoughts persist. Did you ever find yourself feeling like that? How can somebody change this?

    • #16353
      sami
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      I’ve heard you say that when you met Cacilda you realised she could teach you to work harder and you could teach her to relax more. My question is do you think there is any inherent value in ‘working harder’? I recently finished Civilised to Death and was struck by the typical day of hunter-gatherers who only ‘worked’ for 2-3 hours a day doing things we would consider holiday activities 🙂

      If you had unlimited income would you have written books or started the podcast? Do you do these things because they bring you joy or also because you saw a need to work harder, bring in an income etc. With unlimited income do you think you could be happy just living without ‘work’?

      All the best,
      Sami

    • #17055
      Christopher Ryan
      Keymaster

      Responded to this in the January VROMA.Thanks for the question.

    • #17056
      Christopher Ryan
      Keymaster

      Responded to this in the January VROMA.Thanks for the question.

    • #17057
      Christopher Ryan
      Keymaster

      Hi everyone, here is a link to the January Video ROMA.

      In this one I discuss the idea of work – whether or not is has value and what “work” even means. I also talk about the conflict between self-reliance and being a part of a community. Thanks as always for you support and questions!

    • #17293
      sami
      Participant

      Thanks for the response Chris – here’s to meaning in life!

    • #18647
      gdmcdonald1
      Participant

      Hey Chris,

      I’d appreciate your insights/theory on how to approach making work as painless as possible, to the extent that its still necessary for many of us to “pay the bills” (even as low/simple I try to keep my costs: the flip phone and bicycle life 😉 ). I used the word approach rather than asking specific career ideas because you seem to have had a unique take in this regard—being opportunistic rather than career driven, and also finding “back doors” (e.g. diamond district dude in NYC) that lead to better treatment than filling out an anonymous application.

      Thanks as always for your thoughtfulness,

      George

    • #18748
      jandojando
      Participant

      Since the forum is not floaded with questions yet, here’s an other one!

      Do you have insights in how hunter/gatherer groups would deal with conflict amongst its members? You know, this guy likes this woman, but she’s not into him and has sex with some other guys, just not him and he gets deeply jealous. Or this guy is a bossy asshole, he insists that they should put the camp here, and an other guy who hates his guts wants to put the camp over there. Or this woman is a quite the loner, goes away from a group who are gathering fruits, and the other woman start gossipping that she’s strange. Or this guy, he dances for the rain to come, but these other guys see him as worthless because he’s not catching any pigs…and they all deal with this feelings of hatred toward each other, to a point where it becomes unbearable, but they just have to live with each other.

      You’ve mentioned that it often happened that people would move from tribe to tribe. Do you know of any other ways they deal with conflict?

    • #19439
      greenchile06
      Participant

      Where is the February video Roma?

    • #19464
      Christopher Ryan
      Keymaster

      Here is a link to the February Video ROMA – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPOM1NJvXts

      Sorry this one is late, I’ll get back on track this month! Thanks as always for your support & questions.

    • #20238
      hunter k.
      Participant

      Chris what do you think about this mass hysteria with Coronavirus. It seems to me that while it is a spreading virus, the risk of death is still relatively low. Yet media keeps hyping up the whole situation, causing people to freak out on a mass level. Our collective consciousness in this matter is the real driving force behind the panic and paranoia. Shouldn’t the government step in and prevent unnecessary scary headlines from controlling this situation and instead provide only reliable facts?

    • #20901
      Will Stones
      Participant

      Hey Chris,

      I think I’ve heard you talk about the reason why so many young men listen to your podcast is because you think there’s a possible lack of male role models and ritualistic transitions from boys into men. As a young man myself, I crave life advice I hear in podcasts as if I’m addicted to motivation. When feeling stuck I’m reminded by sayings like “paralysis by analysis”, and I like the idea that the best way through is just to keep moving forward, but I’m wondering what is beyond this. Do you think confidence in trusting your own decisions is an attribute of a man opposed to one of a boy? Or is it more of a personality trait? Do you find yourself seeking out life advice from your own “Chris Ryans”?

    • #20923
      phil3234129
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      I’m interested to hear your perspective on “expectations” in a heterosexual relationship. I’ve seen the role of expectations play out both in my relationships and those of my friends.

      I’ve often observed one person bringing out the best work ethic in their partner. Many a time I’ve seen a person go from being unmotivated, to being very efficient and disciplined in achieving “relationship goals.”

      However, I’ve also seen situations where the importance of achieving an expectation or goal was a source of disagreement and distress within a relationship. I would love to hear your thoughts on expectations and goal setting in a relationship. Thanks for your time.

      -Phil

    • #21095
      Obra
      Participant

      Hey Chris,

      I just discovered this song and I think this version is beautifully crafted. What do you think? The band is called Kuinka and the song Distant Lands.

      here’s their link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kniUyNoUnjc

      Cheers, Uncle Chris
      from Martin

      • #21451
        Christopher Ryan
        Keymaster

        Agreed. Good tune. But I need an mp3 to play in on the pod.

    • #21324
      Christopher Ryan
      Keymaster

      Hi everyone, here is a link to the March video ROMA. https://youtu.be/wwUOC4TNYE8

      Thanks as always for your support and questions!

    • #21650
      mvalenti01
      Participant

      I’m sure how this will be displayed on the forum, so I’m responding to this question.

      I’ve know people who have been wrecked by bad trips, and coming from them I think a good thing to do would be to find a therapist. Find someone that can give you techniques to deal with these feeling, and that will help you to work through them.

      “Hi Chris, i have been listening to your podcast since early last year and i love it. I listened to most of the back catalogue whilst I was on the Camino de Santiago along with the DTFH and the Drunken Taoist podcast, and between all three, you really have dramatically changed my life. I really felt like i was forming a healthy balance view on what it is to experience this life.
      I have had problems with heroin and most other drugs for a long time. I have been ‘clean’ for a while now but temptation is always there and I substitute with other things. I tried DMT this year in the hope of some Miracle cure, but instead it took me to a very dark place and I haven’t quite been the same since (this was a few months ago). I have flashbacks frequently and very nihilistic periods but also have, I believe, the ability to experience far more intense pleasure from ‘simple’ things such as the colour of autumn leaves or a night sky. This is, I suppose, a two fold question …. do you have any advice on how to deal with difficult trips and the aftermath, and also what are your thoughts on ego death being painful, or indeed the concept of ego death its self . Thank you so much for the podcast Chris, you really are there when we need you sometimes, please keep it up.
      Sending love to you and all the other listeners around the world ..James from England”

    • #21803
      Thomas
      Participant

      Was there anything you thought, felt, or believed very strongly in your 20s that you’ve changed your mind about or realized in subsequent decades that you had wrong? How did the change come about? I’ve specifically heard you say that when you were younger you worried that you were choosing a very lonely life. Did that feeling turn out to be wrong? or did you just grow to accept that a certain level of loneliness is a price that must be paid to walk a path true to yourself?

    • #22462
      phil3234129
      Participant

      Hello Chris,

      I’m 34 years old and I’ve reached a pretty stable period of life. However, I feel I have one conundrum moving forward. Cars. More specifically, whether to lease a new car or to ride that sucker ’till the wheels fall off. I’ve never cared how old a car looks. I’ve only cared about car bills. With a used car, as you know, you don’t have a monthly nut but you do have the specter of a repair costing several grand (mathematically speaking, a large enough repair bills equals a monthly lease payment.). With a leased car you have the opposite set of pros and cons. Given your years of travel by all forms, including by car, I would love your opinion on the subject. Thanks.

      -Phil

    • #22598
      J
      Participant

      Hey Chris! Love this podcast, hope you and your fans are doing alright in these strange times.

      My question pertains to responsibility towards the ones you love, (friends, family) and dealing with their negative situations:

      How proactive should one be in solving loved-ones’ issues? For example, if they’re dealing with addiction, should you bring it up? Should you do an intervention TV-style? Should you just be there if they need it? etc… What about if they’re stuck in a crappy marriage with kids? Should you confront their partner? Talk about it? Just visit every once in a while?

      I have really a hard time gauging if I’m not pro-active enough in people’s lives, and it’s easy to feel guilt you know. I’m always ready to help out anyone, anytime, but if they don’t ask, man I don’t feel like bringing up those conversations. I’m not sure if I avoid those because I hate situations with heavy emotional content (programmer here). Or if I feel it won’t be fruitful. Or if I feel it’s not my problem. Again, don’t know how to gauge these things…

      Cheers

    • #22600
      AdinaArcher
      Participant

      Chris and anyone else who’s read Civilized to Death,

      I just ordered three copies of your new book and am going to read it with my sons (ages 13 and 16). Is there anything you (or anyone else here) thinks I should hone in on as we read it? The books should be here next week and I’m pretty excited about it.

      Thanks, in advance.

    • #22663
      hunter k.
      Participant

      Hey Chris! My wife loves your wife and we just finished listening to the second episode with her. I had listened to both before meeting her and told her she has to listen to Cacilda because she will love her, which she does now. Anyway we definitely want to hear more from her. Such a beautiful and interesting soul!

    • #22706
      Christopher Ryan
      Keymaster

      Hey everyone – here is a link to the April video ROMA:

      https://youtu.be/46oH1Afi1iw

      As always, thank you for your support & questions.

    • #22771
      BillBradley
      Participant

      Oh drat – just missed the April Roma! Hopefully for May, then.

      I have a couple questions I’d like your perspective on. An answer on either or both would be fantastic!

      First – what drew you to the Transcendentalists in your youth? Has your opinion on writers like Thoreau, Emerson, and Whitman changed over the course of your life?

      Second – what is your information diet like? Do you read the news everyday? Do we have a responsibility to be “informed?”

      All love,

      Jon

    • #22786
      J
      Participant

      Alright, thanks for doing this!

      Really appreciate the perspectives, glad this is around while we’re bound to an ultra-specific patch of land at the moment…

    • #22810
      laytonbrody
      Participant

      If you could have dinner with any 5 people (living or dead) who would it be and why?

      I realize this is a cliche question (apologies if you’ve already answered it in some form or another) but it is something that when I am surrounded by people I don’t know very well and the conversation needs picking up I will ask. I feel like the answers can say a lot about someone, not just their general interest but who they are as a person. For example – some people will respond with all 5 choices being deceased & living family members, I have heard the likes of “Kim Kardashian, and Cardi B” at one table (not saying they’re bad choices but interesting nonetheless), but generally it is presidents, religious figures, or societal elites of the past. As an avid follower of you, I was curious about what your answer might be!

    • #22823
      dsotnyk
      Participant

      Hi Chris,
      Long time listener, first time… Caller? Anyway, my question is around your new book and the theme of what has civilization gotten us. Although I agree with your premise almost 100%, I can’t help to play devil’s advocate. As I have been contemplating the differences between Hunter-gather life vs today’s Western civilization, one thing I see that we have is more knowledge(although far from complete) about the Earth, the universe, evolution, science, etc than people in those societies. The debate can be had whether or not our “progess” has been worth this knowledge accumulation or the debate on whether this knowledge has to be tied to civilization necessarily. Im not sure. It also seems that in a lot of ways, the more we learn, the more difficult it can be to live a simple, happy life. But for the sake of argument, let’s say in the future, the people of Earth build the technology to be able to stop an asteroid from annihilating life on the planet. That would be a good thing for the continuation of the species. I guess my ultimate question is, can we have both the simplicity, harmony, happiness, and other benefits of hunter-gatherer life along with the modern knowledge of atoms, space, chemistry,evolution, etc, etc?

    • #22997
      Isotta Cobianco
      Participant

      What do you think of democracy? Is it really the best option even if imperfect? Should my opinion on coronavirus policies count as much as that if a doctor since I am a real estate agent? (I know I don’t directly vote on such policies, but I vote for a representative based on the policies he will promote…). Sometimes I fear I have been sold a story about universal democracy that similar to the one PPN one…

    • #23000
      Isotta Cobianco
      Participant

      Do you think that what’s happening with smartphones sneakily making our lives crappier and more stressful is similar to what happened with agriculture? (I.e. are we currently hanging on to the airbaloon)

    • #23093
      Samsquanch
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      I’ve been really enjoying your WMTBG series! I really think you’re onto something there.

      My question is related to your most recent release which discusses “what you can’t say”. The ideas put forward in the essay are contemplations I’ve thought about frequently in my life. I agree that our perception of moral rights and wrongs is totally dependent on the time period/culture we happen to exist in. This extends necessarily to so many facets of how we choose to live our lives; it’s worthwhile to understand that our beliefs and certainties that seem so stable in our cultures are fallible and ever-changing . There is nothing to suggest that future humanity won’t look back on us and judge our way of life as absolutely archaic and wrong. To think otherwise is quite self-indulgent – with how fast the world is developing, we already do it even within lifetimes (OK Boomer).

      My question: what do you think are a few things future humanity will think is laughable or just strange about life on Earth in 2020? This is contingent on there actually being a “future humanity” to look back on us.

      Few of my thoughts:
      – We will look at the way we generally consume and treat animals as morally reprehensible (I’m not a vegan/vegetarian btw).
      – Our relationship with garbage and how disattached we are about it (thinking about how much takeout people eat – so much plastic thrown in the trash!).
      – Selfish individualism will erode – people will feel more responsibility to the greater community (idealistic) … We are all in this together.

      Thanks Chris! I really appreciate the podcast man – I would even go as far as to say it’s my favourite.

      Sending cheers from Canada.
      Sam

    • #23195
      phil3234129
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      Your friend Joe Rogan recently inked an exclusive multi-year contract with Spotify worth $100 million. Thoughts??

      -Phil

    • #23234
      Christopher Ryan
      Keymaster

      Hey everyone –

      Here is the link to the May Video ROMA. https://youtu.be/u98E3uoYyC8

      I speak about my personal information diet and how I deal with news, I answer what 5 people I would like to have dinner with, living or dead and why, if it’s possible to combine modern knowledge with ancient wisdom, what my opinions are about democracy as a political system, whether or not smartphones are the contemporary equivalent of agriculture, why people are intrigued by Las Vegas and what I think people in the future will think is ridiculous about the way we live in 2020. Plus, this month’s ROMA features a special bonus belly dancing performance by two surprise guests.

      Thanks as always for your questions!

    • #23277
      phil3234129
      Participant

      *Repost from May*

      Hi Chris,

      Your friend Joe Rogan recently inked an exclusive multi-year contract with Spotify worth $100 million. Thoughts??

      -Phil

    • #23293
      Andrew Akehurst
      Participant

      You once said on your podcast that you do/are happy to have sex with multiple partners, but that you still remain more “emotionally” monogamous to one person. Can you explain how this works for you, and discuss lessons you learned in your life that brought you to this place?

      I have been trying to navigate the waters of a less monogamous relationship for some years now. I often feel like a boat lost in fog, with knowledge of hundreds of dangerous rocks just below the surface, with no way to go into them, expecting disaster at any moment. Can you be my radar, and at least help by showing me some of the larger rocks I am likely to encounter, the ones that would spell sinking and drowning. I may have drowned a few times already…

      Thanks,
      Love
      -Andrew

    • #23328
      navinkumar183
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      I am not sure if you’ve addressed this elsewhere in other conversations or ROMAs, but I was wondering if you could briefly explain what is generally understood about the evolution of homosexuality in humans or primates ? Are homosexual relationships present in most hunter gatherer societies?

      Thank you. Love the podcast.

      Nav

    • #23571
      Aubrey
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      Over the last year or two you’ve mentioned several times the “lifeboat” that you intend to establish, and last summer you talked about various locations you were considering and scouting out during that year’s Vanthropology trip. You ended up buying land in Colorado. I’m just wondering what it was about the Colorado land that caused you to choose it over the other possibilities. What were the various criteria that were important to you in making the decision? (For instance, another potential location you mentioned was in Montana, but you were worried about cold winters–but are the winters not cold at 8,000 ft?)

      Thanks,
      Aubrey

    • #23659
      jandojando
      Participant

      In my twenties I’ve travelled through India like you did. One line I wrote down then was: loneliness is the price you pay for freedrom.

      Any thoughts on this?

    • #23704
      Christopher Ryan
      Keymaster

      Hi everyone –

      Here is a link to the June Video ROMA – https://youtu.be/ujpHLNXyN6k

      This month, I talk about the hidden dangers of non-monogamy (and some thoughts on how to avoid them), the question of how to discuss homosexuality in primates and foragers, and my plans to establish a “life boat” community.

      Thank you for your questions & support!

    • #23762
      Isotta Cobianco
      Participant

      2 questions about prostitution. I am a 40sh year old Italian woman living in Peru. 1) The man I am dating (slightly older than me) told me he had his first time as a teenager with a hooker, that that was normal then, bc young girls were expected to stay virgin and that was how he and most of his friends started their sexual life, with their fathers and uncles’ blessing. Now his 13 year old nephew is asking him to please taking him to a brothel and he’s seriously thinking about doing it next year. Times have changed but there aren’t that many chances for his nephew to have sex at 14 without paying. What do you make of this? 2) He also told me that at at bachelors parties here it is the norm to go to a brothel and for the groom and some of the other guys to have sex with hookers. The way to decide who is getting land, a part from the groom, is to cast a lot amongst the guys who say they are interested. The bill is shared amongst everyone but the groom. I asked other men here and they all said that this is the tradition here (not sure if it just a South American thing). I find it so strange that there’s such a common (at least here) rite, the existence of which is not publicly acknowledged. Any thoughts?

    • #23891
      peter
      Participant

      Chris, you have mentioned that you have a story involving heroin usage. Just wondering if you have plans to tell it someday. Also, it’s been a very long time since the last TOMA, which were incredible stories. Ever thought about releasing a new TOMA?

    • #23898
      greenchile06
      Participant

      Hey Chris what’s good man I enjoy your work I am reading Sex at Dawn currently and already heard Civilized to Death on audiobook well done! Can you comment on the Chris D’Elia accusations? Yet another me too victim. This situation seems like a prime example of biological/evolutionary urges at odds with a social construct? I am not a post modernist at all however, age of consent is a tricky one is an 18 year old girl any more capable of making decisions than 16? It’s like the Beatles song “I Saw Her Standing There” but no #MeToo for Paul McCartney eh? Chris seems like a nice guy despite his asshole shtick he deserves due process at least. Sorry for the long post appreciate your time Chris! -Daniel G

    • #24054
      phil3234129
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      Last week marks ten years since the release of Sex at Dawn. Congrats!! Instead of asking the cliche “Looking back, what would you have done differently?”, I was wondering if there’s anything about the overall process that as you look back you’re damn happy you did the way you did it at the time?? Thanks Chris.

      Sincerely,

      Phil

    • #24207
      Emma O’Sullivan
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      Like myself, I know you’re a little exhausted by the politics of today. That said, I’m curious if you’ve looked into Bret Weinstein’s Unity 2020 plan and if you had any thoughts on it? After I first heard about it on Rogan’s show, I felt excited about politics for the first time in a long time (excited enough to give you five dollars just so I could ask for your take).

      Anyway, I feel like it would be something that interests you. Looking forward to a response!

    • #24237
      Will Stones
      Participant

      Hey Chris

      What is your method for finding beautiful & quiet campsites on your road trips? Thanks pal. Enjoy the vanthropologizing!

      Willem

    • #24296
      Samsquanch
      Participant

      Hi Chris!

      Have you ever reread a book that was incredibly influential to you when you were younger to find that your present self has a completely different opinion/perspective on it?

      I had this experience with “On the Road” by Jack Kerouac. When I first read it as a 21 year old, it radically shook up the way I looked at life and how I wanted to live it. It inspired me to hitch hike and travel extensively over the next few years. When I reread it as a 26 year old, I couldn’t believe how different the experience was. I realized that Jack and Dean were selfish assholes, frequently getting their kicks at the expense of the people who loved them, all in the effort of getting “their kicks”. I had to look myself in the mirror and consider if maybe I wasn’t taking advantage or taking for granted my relationships in a similar way. Now as a 31 year old, I can only imagine what a next reread would be like. Thoughts?

      PS. More short stories podcasts pleeeease! 🙂

    • #24325
      Christopher Ryan
      Keymaster

      Here is the link to the July Video ROMA – https://youtu.be/6k8TXprfcrY

      Among the topics covered in this month’s video, I talked about how I choose where to camp, what I’m glad I did and didn’t do when writing Sex at Dawn, whether/when I intend to record some more TOMA episodes, my thoughts about prostitution, and my take on the accusations against Chris D’Elia.

      As always, thank you for your questions and support!

    • #24356
      Butt Plug Cum
      Participant

      Hey Chris,

      When and where will you be in Montana this summer? I live in Helena and it’d be awesome to say hello to you. I understand if you’re not meeting up with TS supporters because of Covid. I am a poor 28 year-old guy without much to offer you other than a friendly face and recommendations of good camping and hiking sites in western Montana.

      Hope all is well on your adventures out west,
      Joe

    • #24499
      Ronin
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      I read your “Talking Drugs” ebook, and I enjoyed reading your thoughts about psychedelics. You mention how psychedekics may not be for people with a fragile grasp of reality, and I agree with this. What insights about reality or realities have you come away with after taking psychedelics?

      You also mentioned how it felt like returning home in some way. I felt like this myself during an intense psychadelic experience, in which for the first time, I experienced that part of me who “sits in the cockpit” of my brain, so to speak. I felt dissociated from my ego and experienced a sense of being that I had never experienced before. And it felt like home.

      I would love to hear more about your thoughts on these matters. Thank you, Chris.

    • #24501
      Daniel Jackson
      Participant

      (How I delete my post?? Arrghhh! Hi everyone!)

    • #24540
      phil3234129
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      I have a question for you about open relationships. Over the years, when your friends have shared their stories of open relationships with you, have they ever expressed difficulty in spending time with their primary partner, versus the thrill of spending time with someone “new?”

      In other words, no matter how attractive/intelligent your partner is, they will eventually become known to you, versus the thrill of interacting with someone “new”. I would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks for your time.

      -Philip

    • #24541
      Arianna Garofalo
      Participant

      Hey Chris,

      Arianna from Florida here. This is in response to your June ROMA when you talked about establishing your lifeboat community. My best friend and I had been planning to buy a few acres of land in New Mexico and do a similar thing. However, lately, we’re really feeling like planting roots in the US might just be stupid. My friend has travelled extensively, and I’ve travelled my fair share. We would both actually prefer to settle down outside of the US, but we had compromised with living around Taos, New Mexico, because it seemed like the most non-US place possible within the US. We’re both aware that financing a piece of land and just generally establishing a life outside of the US is going to take a lot more work. However, I think that’s the direction we’re now headed. Our plan is to wait and see what happens in the November election, which seems to be what you’re doing, too. Personally, I don’t feel any remorse about the idea of abandoning the US, because I hate pretty much everything about this country and I’ve never felt a sense of pride in it. My friend, however, has more reservations, and is afraid of the US truly turning into an unchecked dictatorship if all of us liberals actually leave the country if Trump gets reelected. My friend made the point that could actually affect us, even if we’re living abroad. If Trump wins another election, the whole world might not be safe, not just the US. I guess what I’m asking you is: What the fuck is anyone supposed to do right now? Should we all leave the country? Should we all stay? Just wondering your thoughts. Thanks for being you.

    • #24558
      Joe Mcneill
      Participant

      Chris, I was wandering if you had heard of hofsteads cultural dimensions. He is a Dutch social scientist that explains the diffences between countries in 6 dimensions. You often talk about the difference between Spain and the US. He might help clarify the way the US is the way it is. I hope you could elaborate on this sometime.

    • #24574
      Samsquanch
      Participant

      (Reposting my question from above – got missed on the last ROMA)

      Hi Chris!

      Have you ever reread a book that was incredibly influential to you when you were younger to find that your present self has a completely different opinion/perspective on it?

      I had this experience with “On the Road” by Jack Kerouac. When I first read it as a 21 year old, it radically shook up the way I looked at life and how I wanted to live it. It inspired me to hitch hike and travel extensively over the next few years. When I reread it as a 26 year old, I couldn’t believe how different the experience was. I realized that Jack and Dean were selfish assholes, frequently getting their kicks at the expense of the people who loved them, all in the effort of getting “their kicks”. I had to look myself in the mirror and consider if maybe I wasn’t taking advantage or taking for granted my relationships in a similar way. Now as a 31 year old, I can only imagine what a next reread would be like. Thoughts?

      PS. More short stories podcasts pleeeease! 🙂

    • #24834
      Richard Hogan
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      I wanted to thank you for turning me on to Desert Solitaire, which you mentioned in a recent podcast. I’m looking forward to reading it again to get a better grasp of some of the asides in it. Do you have any other book recommendations along the same vain?

      Thanks.

    • #24854
      phil3234129
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      I really love your podcast. I especially love the moments where you comment on literature or cultural beliefs centered around language. I was wondering if you had any thoughts on the phrase-“If you’re young and you aren’t liberal, you don’t have a heart. If you’re older and you aren’t conservative you don’t have a brain.”

      Personally, I know many contradictions to this maxim in that I’ve known people go their entire lifespan being either liberal or conservative. I appreciate your time. Thanks.

      -Phil

    • #24855
      Butt Plug Cum
      Participant

      Sounds like phil3234129 listened to the most recent episode of the podcast How Neal Feel with Neal Brennan and Bianca. They mentioned that quote.

    • #24891
      Chris Palmer
      Participant

      Chris, I am liking this idea of a lifeboat community.
      I just sold my home in Denver, and am longing for a new start somewhere.
      So glad to be rid of a mortgage. Finally have a pocket of cash to invest.

      You mentioned Ecuador. I was there last year in a small village called Vilcabamba. It’s incredibly beautiful, untouched, safe, and cheap.
      I know of a trusted Shaman there as well. If you don’t know of this area already I recommend looking into it. I would totally be willing to invest in such a venture. You are way more experienced, and well travelled than myself. So I trust your judgement on the place you choose, count me in. You have my support.

      Thank you for everything you do, and all my best.
      -Chris

    • #24992
      phil3234129
      Participant

      I haven’t, but that sounds like a great recommendation, I will! Thanks! 🙂

    • #25057
      Thomas
      Participant

      Was there a point you actively chose not to have children, or did it just end up happening that way? I’m 29m and about 80-90 percent sure I don’t want to have kids, and on the off chance I do, I would want to adopt over having my own biological children. Sometimes I worry that this will be a deal-breaker for a majority of women, and make finding a partner all the more difficult. Did you find dating women was more difficult as a man who didn’t want kids?

    • #25147
      Bosco
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      my question to video ROMA:

      Thanks.

    • #25203
      Moritz Seifert
      Participant

      Hi Chris, I am interested to get your thoughts on pursuing a masters degree and student loans.

      I’m in my mid twenties, have recently finished an undergrad, and I am debating on applying for a Masters in Counselling.

      Psychotherapy and Counselling has always interested me because I love working with people, helping people and I am also very interested in different alternative therapies such as Psychosomatic Therapies, Bioenergetics, Jungian Psychology etc.

      Moreover, I believe that this occupation would provide my life with a lot more meaning than my current job–which is working in an office as a pencil pusher.

      The one thing holding me back is the heaps of student loans that I would acquire after completing my masters, which would be close to 20-40k.

      Luckily I’m in Canada so the student loans aren’t as outrageous as they are in the states but still having just paid of 18k in loans for my undergrad, I am a little hesitant to dive right back into debt.

      Being the wise elder that you are, I’m hoping you can share some wisdom with me on this.

      All the best,

      Mo

    • #25323
      Christopher Lutz
      Participant

      Chris,
      You have mentioned a handful of times that you grew weed on your balcony in Spain. Just curious what types or strains did you prefer? We have had medical for only a few years where I am at and I remember back in high school and college just to be happy to get anything much less being choosy about a strain so I was just curious to get your insights on this. Thanks

    • #25391
      Christopher Ryan
      Keymaster

      Here is a link to the August Video ROMA – https://youtu.be/sLgf4q2KEJo

      This month and next month I will be highlighting some of my all-time favorite camping and van life items in place of the regular video ROMAs. Nearly all of the items I mention can be found at whatmakesthisthinggreat.com. I will return to the questions in October!

      Thanks as always for your support.

    • #25430
      Andreas H.
      Participant

      That August episode is so lame, dude.
      Seemed to me like you did’nt want to make any video at all, you lazy fuck (I’m just qouting you).
      That’s why I like your podcasts. I am not kidding here. The relaxed atmospere has to come from somewhere. And anyway, I’m sure it was interesting to somebody-
      Take care and have (more) fun.

    • #25516
      donprog
      Participant

      XXOO

      • #25519
        Obra
        Participant

        never mind

    • #25527
      Christopher Ryan
      Keymaster

      Fuck, you guys are harsh! You’re overthinking this.

      Lots of people write me, asking about the van, camping, recording, etc. I figured it would be fun to invite you guys behind the scenes and show you a little bit about how I am actually living at the moment. In fact, it’s the opposite of what you guys seem to think. I thought the videos of me just answering questions might get a little boring, so it would be fun to mix it up. I was not burning pieces of my body, selling my soul, or suffering in any way. Sorry to hear it came across that way to you.

    • #25553
      jandojando
      Participant

      Haha, nothing wrong with camping and camping gear and making a video about it. My coffee machine was broken and the video inspired me to make myself a coffee without electricity right away!

      “coffee without electricity”, would look good on a menu card!

    • #25575
      Nate McCabe
      Participant

      Yeah my partner and I actually loved the camping video; it’s always great to learn about how a fellow camper camps.

      …but more importantly, watching you [Chris] review camping equipment unscripted gave us some of the greatest laughs we’ve had in a long time. Also your rant about the 2×4’s was glorious. So thank you for the ostensibly unintentional comic relief!

      Also, just saw this and thought it was very relevant to Tangential conversations…would love to hear your opinion:
      https://www.npr.org/2020/09/06/909753465/cuties-calls-out-the-hypersexualization-of-young-girls-and-gets-criticized

    • #25588
      Will Stones
      Participant

      I also really enjoyed the camping equipment video and am looking forward to the van video!

    • #25601
      Butt Plug Cum
      Participant

      I liked it. I rarely have the opportunity to watch videos of Chris so it was cool having a reason to do so. Plus I found it helpful, especially that solar pop-up lantern. And I don’t support TS for the bonus content so there are no expectations about quailty from me.

    • #25688
      Christopher Ryan
      Keymaster

      Here is the link to this month’s Video ROMA – https://youtu.be/yG2XdCogNq8

      In this video I talk about growing weed, my opinion on going into debt to get a degree in counseling, I answer a question about coming to a crossroads with a girlfriend and the decision to have kids or not, how to deal with new partner energy in open relationships, and about what I’ve learned from doing psychedelics.

      I will also share the second part of the BTS #vanthropology series later this month… but it seemed some of you weren’t too thrilled with that, so I wanted to be sure I did a regular Video ROMA as well. The van video will be bonus content.

      Thank you as always for your support and questions.

    • #25789
      James Lynch
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      I’ve got a couple questions, and would like to hear your insights on them.

      1) I am 20 years old and am 99.99999% sure I don’t want kids. I REALLY don’t want kids, and have strongly considered getting a vasectomy. The one thing holding me back is that I have not yet been in a serious long-term romantic relationship, so I don’t know how my feelings would change in that context. Regardless, I kind of just want to get the snip, be done with it, and be able to exhale a bit. What do you think?

      2) I recently started a job doing marketing/sales stuff for a roofing restoration company. For now, it’s interesting because everything is totally novel and I’m learning a ton. Also, it pays pretty well and will let me get money for school and travel. I see a lot of parallels between how I ended up in this job and how you ended up in the Diamond District, if that helps. Anywho, I know that I don’t want to do this long-term and am afraid of getting sucked into the American consumerist trap and still being here in twenty years. Do you have any advice for surviving in a job like this without your soul getting eaten?

      3) When are you going to put up more TOMAs?

      Thanks,
      Jimmy

    • #25829
      phil3234129
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      I want to ask you a question about the years you’ve spent in Spain. As you are aware, Universal Healthcare was enacted in Spain in 1986.
      While living there, did you witness “rationing of care” that was inappropriate in your view?? The main argument against Universal Healthcare in the United States is just that- the rationing of care. I thank you for your time and perspective.

      -Philip

    • #25879
      rocketship
      Participant

      In a recent podcast with Andrew Couch you tell the story of how you ran into old friends in Mexico and did Peyote. You said this was a synchronicity and that the “Peyote chose you”, that it had something to teach you. You suggest this was more than a coincidence. But you left out the best part: what was the peyote experience like? Did the peyote experience itself suggest this really wasn’t a coincidence? Did it teach you something? If so, what?

    • #25894
      Askin Karaduman
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      This is Askin, (probably) your most loyal follower from the city of Istanbul. I’ve come across a paper titled: “Finding Life Satisfaction Beyond Meaning: An Immediate-Delayed Return Compensation Perspective”. And here is a quote from the paper:

      “More specifically, the theory starts with the assumption that humans possess a set of sensitivities and predispositions that helped their distant ancestors survive and reproduce in the context of immediate-return societies(i.e., foragers). These societies are characterized by small temporal windows, frequent feedback regarding goal progressing, and little pressure to adhere to specific roles and justifying stories.

      In complex, modern societies(i.e., delayed-return societies), on the other hand, people often have to engage in immediate effort for delayed, uncertain outcomes. This effort-outcome disjunction can lead people to experience long periods of insecurity. To cope with this insecurity, people developed complex societal mechanisms such as contracts and agents to enforce them (Cohen, 1985) and justifying stories such as just world beliefs (Martin, 1999).”

      full paper: https://www.psychology.uga.edu/sites/default/files/CVs/I-D%20Compensation%20and%20Meaning%20in%20Life.pdf

      Long story short, the paper suggests that meaning seeking is not an inherent feature but a by-product of large, complex socities. Would you agree?

      Thank you for changing my zoo.

      Best,

      Askin.

    • #26292
      Christopher Ryan
      Keymaster

      Hey everyone, posted a Bonus Video ROMA as a followup to August’s camping video. This time I take you BTS of Scarlett – https://youtu.be/gwLWPKaSw3Y

      Regular October ROMA coming soon!

      Thanks as always for your support.

    • #26394
      AdinaArcher
      Participant

      This was great. Thank you.

    • #26431
      Andreas H.
      Participant

      Sorry if this post shows up more than once. But efter trying to edit the first post it vanished. Reposting said “ERROR: Duplicate reply detected; it looks as though you’ve already said that.” although it was not visible.

      Hi Chris,

      this is no real question, more a comment. Perhaps you’d like to re-comment this.
      In one of your recent podcasts you mentioned “Against the Grain” by James Scott. I was glad you read it because I wondered what you would think about it after Civilized to Death was written, given its huge relevance to your book.
      What stuck most in my mind of Scott’s book was the last chapter on the Golden Age of the Barbarians. I’ll give a very brief explanation of what he writes, so that other readers will have an impression what’s it about. Perhaps you might like to explain in in more detail if you’re responding to this.

      He writes about those societies which existed at the fringes of states since the beginning of the states up until about the 17th century. He claims that they benefitted from the existence of the states by plundering them or trading with them and most probably blackmailing them. At some point he argues that the individual person’s life had most likely been better in those so-called barbarian cultures because they had a broader nutritional basis because of not depending on one or a few crops, had no or only a flat hierarchy and much more. In a sense they were probably something between hunters/gatherers and states. They had a lot of the advantages which were provided by their neighboring states while still maintaining the advantages living as foragers or pastoralists.

      Sometimes I think your (and other people’s) plans to found communities somewhere as a refuge from today’s civilization is somewhat like an attempt to re-establish such a kind of “fringe” culture(s). Living at the edge of civilization but taking knowledge and technology with you and simultaneously living by hunter-gather-values seems to have quite some similarities those earlier “barbarian” cultures had. I don’t’ want to overstretch the comparison here by saying it is the same. But if there’s any valid point to my thought, it might be a good idea to look into what worked for the earlier fringe cultures in order to learn from it.
      For example: Scott wrote that the states gained something from their “barbarian” neighbors by importing resources from the outback which were not available in the core land (Rocks, ore, oil, timber etc.). Of course, a future fringe community would provide different goods or services than those ancient ones. But it might be worth a thought, whether and how the community could deal with its big neighbor. That is, if there still will be a big neighbor around. And in the end, if nothing else works, you could of course resort to plundering.

      Any thoughts about this?
      Take care, buddy
      Andreas

    • #26728
      Chad Timblin
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      On 11/22/2020 my wife and I will be moving from Southern California to Fairfield, Iowa. I’m excited for a change, but I’m honestly a bit scared of the cold, snowy winters in Southeast Iowa. Do you have any tips/advice/thoughts on adapting to living in a cold climate? I’ve lived in Southern California my whole life. I’d love to hear your personal perspective, especially since you’re currently living somewhere that snows.

    • #26753
      Christopher Ryan
      Keymaster

      Just posted this month’s Video ROMA – https://youtu.be/PNcwfByYSBk

      I talk about universal health care in Spain, my peyote experience in Mexico, immediate-gratification vs. delayed gratification societies, and how modern “barbarian” societies might co-exist with the larger state.

      Enjoy!

    • #26764
      Andreas H.
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      thank you very much for answering the question. You were wondering if you really answered it. I consider it being fully answered. Thanks again

      My best whishes
      Andreas

    • #26906
      James Lynch
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      Yesterday I was listening to a podcast with Rick Hanson, a meditation teacher and psychologist. In the interview, he was discussing evolutionary psychology, but made a couple arguments that didn’t make sense to me.

      1) Dr. Hanson argues that the brain contains a “negativity bias” due to human necessity for threat recognition during prehistoric development, which is why we tend to fixate on one negative comment instead of ten positive ones, for example. Much of his work focuses on positive self-directed neuroplasticity, or ways to “heal the negativity bias of the brain.” On some level, this makes sense, but my understanding of hunter-gatherers is that they are generally very happy, grateful, and feel that nature provides them with abundance. What do you think about the existence of an intrinsic negativity bias in the human brain? Is it possible that civilization has created this negativity bias?

      2) Dr. Hanson also argues that prehistoric humans lived in small bands, with only sporadic contact with outside groups. However, he also argues that they were competing for scarce resources, which may provide the basis for humanity’s capacity for cruelty towards those identified as outsiders. However, I would think that prehistoric populations would be so low that competition for resources wouldn’t be much of an issue. Is there any data supporting this argument?

      3) He lastly argues that due to external pressures, internal group cohesion and reproduction within the same band would have been selected for. He also says that racial prejudice may have roots in avoiding outsiders with potential pathogens. However, I would think that excessive intragroup reproduction would cause inbreeding and genetic defects. Furthermore, my understanding is that exogamy is practiced by most of our closest primate relatives. What does the research say about intergroup hunter-gatherer interactions?

      I admire Dr. Hanson’s work in general, but I think these arguments about evolutionary psychology are rather too dependent on conjecture. Do you have any insights on this matter?

      Peaceably,
      Jimmy

    • #26908
      Butt Plug Cum
      Participant

      Howdy Chris!?

      Awhile back you put a call out to any Trump fans who listen to your podcast to explain why they support him. You said you’ve had some interesting responses but I haven’t heard you talk about them. Could you please? I’m very curious!

      Much love and gratitude from western Montana,
      – Joe

    • #26915
      chadshoe
      Participant

      Hey Chris! I love you, man! My real uncle was weird, but more in a sad way than a cool way. I often feel like you’re the weird-uncle-in-a-cool-way that I never had. Anyways, I’ve thought a lot about your (and my own) perspective on the deterioration of American society and the impending crises that our world faces. I’m really interested in hearing more about your ideas on the “life boat” (I believe you mentioned it on a recent intro, saying you would be revealing more info about it when some of your friends had finalized their plans or something), something I’ve long thought about, too. Not to be presumptuous, but I think I have a decent idea of where you’re ideas are headed. I was wondering if you would consider encouraging your listeners to start local pages, or meet here on this forum, somewhere where the socially-inept people such as myself might be able to meet locals that share similar interests (i:e: the subject matter of your podcast/books), values, and world-views, and perhaps create some life boats of our own. The Boardhost site for my state (Minnesota) has two comments, one that is clearly spam. I haven’t seen any other good sites. Not to put any onus on you, trust me, you do a lot for your listeners already through your work. But it’d be awesome if you could put a call out to your audience, so we could have an easier way of finding each other. Just think, you could have all sorts of communities all over the place to bring Scarlett Jovanson on the Vanthropology tour! And, who knows, your listenership could put together an interesting sociological experiment. We won’t put you on a pedestal and turn it into a cult, we swear! Just kidding, of course. We totally would. *wink* Love you, Chris!

    • #27159
      Obra
      Participant

      Hi Uncle Chris, if you’re in the mood, would love to hear you ramble about the Johnny Depp/Warner Brothers situation for a few minutes!

      Kids all over the internet are revolting against WB — they do so with all they’ve got, memes and whatnot — indeed, it’s a weird revolution — do you actually think they’ll manage to force WB into a corner or WB is just too big of a superorganism who JUST! DOESNT’T! GIVE! A! FUCK!?

      ps… it goes back to one of your points in CTD… you’d think “WB” would care about what its audience wants… yet…

      Best

    • #27290
      Samsquanch
      Participant

      Hi Chris!

      I’m curious if you’ve read the book “Sapiens” by Yuval Harari. It has a lot in common with “Civilized to Death” and I think does a great job at illuminating truths about what it really means to be a human being. He would be an incredible interview if you were able to get him! He was recently on the Tim Ferris show and I thought it was an excellent conversation.

      Thanks and have a good one!
      Sam (guy who sent email from Nunavut)

    • #27329
      Sam
      Participant

      Hey Chris, Really enjoyed your recent episode with hipcrime and thank you for two life changing books.

      Particularly interesting to me was the idea of limited growth in all systems and the state of diminishing returns we now find ourselves in both economically and ecologically.

      I wanted to ask, have you read any of Vasclav Smil’s work?
      He Has written a number of books which address this theme of plateau like curves in terms of technology, economics and more specifically energy production.
      He asserts that if we all adopt a rational use of energy, we could all live relatively well fed and comfortable lives. The idea being if folks in the first world could adopt a lifestyle similar to that experienced in France during the 1960’s, then we would consume significantly less fuel and materials.

      Do you agree that the lion’s share of our damage to the planet could be mitigated through more rational choices as citizens / consumers?
      Honda civic’s over SUV’s, Camping over a tropical vacation, Van over a House, minimalism over consumerism, etc.

      Do you feel that the trend toward subsidizing “renewable energy” projects is really just a transfer of wealth from oil producers to steel, coal and solar industries?

      Fully realize that is more than a quick question but Smil touches on a lot of these themes and I would be very interested to get your take. ROMA seems like an ideal platform. Thank you, Gracias, Obrigado!

    • #27381
      phil3234129
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      I have a question for you on your perspective of the past. First let me say that yes, I did vote for Trump, although I think he lost fairly and he’s being a sore loser. A four state conspiracy theory is a rabbit hole I can’t go down. One state…sure, but not four.

      Having said that, let me ask you about the 2000 election. In my view, it was basically a reversed situation and Gore was contesting one state….not four. I see the current situation as a more exaggerated repeat of 2000, with reversed party positions. Thoughts?

      PS.. I distinctly remember in 2000, I overhead two college professors talking to each other as they walked to their car that the election of “W” was a quote “Bloodless coupe d’etat”. That felt pretty radical to me at the time. Anyways, thanks for your time Chris. 🙂

      -Philip

    • #27382
      phil3234129
      Participant

      In response to Joe- Agreed!!!

    • #27436
      Christopher Ryan
      Keymaster

      Hi all –

      Posted this month’s Video ROMA which you can view here. I talk about how damage to the planet could be mitigated through more rational decision making, the conundrum of renewable energy, Yuval Harari and how I choose guests for the podcast, some of the arguments I’ve heard from people who support Donald Trump, and more…

      If you’re not totally sick of me by the time you’re done watching this, I hope you’ll join me tonight for my first ever YouTube Live at 5pm, Mountain Time. I’ve never done this before, and it may be a total snooze, but not if you show up! Here’s the link. See you soon!

      CPR

    • #27544
      Kasia
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      for years my husband and I have been talking about starting a sort of live boat community, like the one that you are planning. I was wondering what you were taking into consideration when you were picking your place?

      We are based in Europe so we’re considering the Canary Islands, Portugal, Spain, Poland. We’re just not quite sure where to go and have trouble narrowing down our choices. With global warming, Spain might become too hot in the coming years, the Canary Islands might have water shortages or issues with heat, Poland is headed in a conservative direction at the moment and language is an issue there, Portugal has issues with forest fires, etc etc.

      It would be great to hear more about what kind of places you were considering and what you were looking out for. What were some of the places in Europe that you have considered?

      I look forward to hearing from you next month.

      Thank you!
      Kasia

      • #27556
        Obra
        Participant

        Hey, where are you from in Europe? (sorry couldn’t find a DM)

    • #27553
      jandojando
      Participant

      ^^I’ve been considering living in Spain and went to Asturias in the north west last year to check it out. It’s beautiful! Very green, hills, ocean… less warm than the rest of spain (more rainy though.) Housing is very affordable, check out https://www.idealista.com to find houses even in price ranges around 20.000 euro’s (or less!)

      I might do it in the future. Sorry the question was for Chris, but check it out 🙂

    • #27664
      Riku M
      Participant

      In Civilized to Death you describe how agriculture is the leading cause for our foraging ancestors to adapt into life of unhealthy social structures, war, property, posessions etc.

      I’ve used these arguments in my discussions, but lately a friend of mine pointed out that there are tribes who have moved from peacuful nomadism to war and pillage without any agriculture. One example of this are the Proto-Mongol tribes who started as hunting and herding nomads but ended up taking over almost the whole Asia with their horses without ever getting into agriculture (maybe partly because the soil and the climate are inhospitable for crop).

      It made me rethink the argument – question the premise as I’ve been taught. It seems that agriculture is more a means to feed the growing population after all the fatty tasty mammoth meat is gone instead of something that in itself leads to growing population. You write that agriculture leads to growing populations which leads to [insert all bad things], but it seems more like population growth in itself is what leads to [insert all bad things]. #dissolutionofresponsibility

      Similar cases have happened during the Migration Period during which there were widespread invasions of peoples within or into Europe, during and after the decline of the Western Roman Empire, mostly into Roman territory, notably the Germanic tribes and the Huns (this is when Hungarians came to Europe from Ural mountains).

      So I don’t know if we disagree in this. I know that to write a book or to make an argument, you have to paint a clear picture although in reality everything is relative. As in Sex at Dawn or Bible, stories and arguments are there just to demonstrate a way to look at the world. Things are never black and white and the truth is that there are many truths.

      Greetings from Finland!

      Shoutout to Mr. Kyle Thiermann!

      I listened today the new Rick Beato episode.
      As you are into Hendrix, Funkadelic, saxophones and psychedelic melodies I wanted to share Finland’s greatest secret with you – a band called Kingston Wall.

      (PS. If there are any Finland based people here, I welcome you to join to see our hitchhiking documentary movie which takes place somewhere in the beginning of the year 2021 in Helsinki depeneding on the corona situation. Send a message through https://www.facebook.com/peukullaitaan or https://www.instagram.com/peukullaitaan/ and I’ll send you a ticket to the premiere free of charge! Looking forward to meeting like-minded Tangentialists!)

    • #27965
      Isotta Cobianco
      Participant

      Dear Chris, do you have any advice about how to be single and have an enrichening sex life? I am a 42 year old women… You were mentioning in the zoom call this might be more of a problem for women. (Im my case I have no problems finding guys to have sex with, but, usually, the first time we do it is more like getting to know one another, and then there’s usually not a second time. I asked a guy and he told me I should probably “praise” guys more and make them feel like they really drove me crazy in the act, but it’s hard with guys you don’t know much…).

    • #27992
      Thomas
      Participant

      There’s a question I (29, male) have been turning around in my head for some time. I more or less wrote it down in an essay a few years ago. I apologize for the length, please don’t feel the need to spend time reading it aloud, but maybe you can paraphrase for viewers and jump to the questions at the bottom:

      “Regardless of nationality, young people everywhere sense that all is not right on our blue spaceship. Some of them are angry. Maybe I am too, but I try not to wallow in rage or fear. Instead, it’s paralysis I feel at the sheer amount of choices I can make, paths I can walk. I don’t want to take the wrong one. What would make the biggest difference?

      Do we try to use science for the massive changes we need? That means more school, more hoops to jump through, bureaucracy. Debt.

      Maybe politics looks the most promising, use policy and change the system. But who the fuck wants to wade into that cesspool?

      There’s always good old revolution, though as far as I can see it the odds on a peaceful one appear almost impossible.

      Smaller scales seem more manageable. Learn to farm, conserve a small forest, build an intentional community. Lead by example – life can be simple and wonderful. Maybe become a therapist, or help people work with plant medicines. Don’t save the world, just save yourself and a few others. If you help one person, don’t you change the world? Some days I know that’s true, others I am not so sure.

      Then there’s the desire to say screw it all. I want to climb, to surf, to hop on a sailboat and see this whole world before it’s gone or I’m gone. To run and fight and fuck and eat and sing. To swim in rivers and bathe in waterfalls, listen to the sounds of the forest in a soft rain. I want to make art and experience the divine, try to peer behind the veil before the inevitable tumble through to the other side. They say the band played on, even as the icy Atlantic reached the deck of Titanic. I wonder if anybody danced.”

      How much energy should we dedicate to ‘activism’ for lack of a better word? Is there something inherently wrong with just enjoying the good hand I was dealt? Or do I owe something to the world? A life of meaning has to involve some sacrifice, no? Some fighting for justice and good? I don’t want to stick my head in the sand and hope somebody else fixes things, or ignore the suffering just outside my gates. Thoughts? Did you feel like this when you were younger?

      • #27997
        Andreas H.
        Participant

        Hi tro5019,

        I know you are expecting an answer from Chris and I’m sure he’s going to give it to you. But I could really relate to what you are saying. So I decided to answer you. My answer is a letter to Chris which I never sent. Maybe you will find something in it for you.


        @Chris
        : This is long and therefore not meant to be read aloud. It’s more a personal answer to tro5019 than for you reading it in the ROMA. If you would like to read it I’d have no objections. I simply don’t want it to take too much time of the ROMA.

        The letter:

        Dear Chris,

        in the intro to Episode 425 with Ben Horton you answered the question, why you haven’t had spoken publicly about Black Lives Matter. You finished your response with the words “Sorry for my long rant.”

        Are you kidding me? Apologizing for that? Man, I am totally grateful for that “rant” of yours. I mean it. I am feeling an enormous gratitude. I am touched. I had tears in my eyes when I was listening to it. Tears of a pain and anger very similar to yours. Tears of understanding, empathy, resonance and therefore of a bit relieve, however tiny and fragile it was and is.
        As to how your words did have this effect to me, I would like to explain. And, by doing so, I want to try to repay the favor you made me. I tried to keep things a brief as I could, since I know you receive a lot messages, but nonetheless it still is somewhat lengthy.

        I am a 52 years old man and German by nationality. Like you, I too have been carrying a similar pain around since I was very young. And like you, I was young, around 12 or 13 and it started by reading a book. It is a similar, but not the same pain, because its topic was and is not that much systemic oppression but the ecological state of affairs. When I learned about overpopulation, resource scarcity, hunger, pollution and already even climate change, I fell into deep despair. Could it be true that I was born into a dying world? It all seemed so hopeless (and still does). At that age I made the decision to never have children. Who would want a future like that for them? When later I started to smoke cigarettes and they warned me about the consequences I thought or even replied: “We’re going to die from some kind of pollution or shit anyway.” My emotional response was despair, not anger, but I think our experiences were comparable.

        Chris, you said: “I learned to have that anger to exist in a certain place and not let it out.” I did so as well, with the single important difference, that I didn’t only left it somewhere inside me to exist, but rather suppressed it with denial. I tried to bury it deep down with all the bad consequences of doing so.

        It was only within the last year that I became aware of how much desperation and resignation was buried. My current partner, who is more of a political person than I am, insisted discussing the “Fridays For Future” movement with me. Again and again I found myself engaged in debates I usually detest. That the detestation stemmed for the most part from my deeply suppressed frustration was not clear to me then.
        But the first real crack in the ice appeared when I saw Greta Thunbergs UN speech:
        “You have stolen my dreams and my childhood with your empty words. And yet I’m one of the lucky ones. People are suffering. People are dying. Entire ecosystems are collapsing. We are in the beginning of a mass extinction, and all you can talk about is money and fairy tales of eternal economic growth. How dare you!”
        I was crying when I heard her. “Finally!” I thought “Finally somebody (like her) is saying it (there)!” I only whished that this has happened when I was her age.

        After I heard the speech I started to realize how much I have been shoveling down over the decades. I didn’t feel anger like you did, at least not anymore in the end of my process, an end which happened some time before by 18th birthday. The year when I became 18 was 1986, the year when the Chernobyl reactor blew its radioactive cloud throughout the continent, all the way into my neighborhood. At that time I was already completely disenchanted. The anger, it was replaced by desperation and frustration long ago.
        And now, after the speech of that young girl, I was finally in touch again with all this desperation which was paralyzing me for my whole adult life. Chris, I made some really, really bad decisions in my life, of which the worst one was to try to numb myself out. The drug of my choice was alcohol and before I turned 25 I was already addicted to drinking. I am not saying that my desperation about the state of the world was the reason to become addicted. It has to take a lot more than that. But, as I realized now, it nonetheless played an important role in that path, given my general inclination to flee from difficulties instead of facing them.
        But I also began to wonder how many people of my age might be stuck with a paralyzing pain similar to mine. Not necessarily addicts as myself but somehow handicapped in a way that might prevent them from undertaking the necessary changes we have to implement if we want to keep our planet sustainable for a little longer. How many may be out there, not only handicapped in that way, but, even worse, are acting the pain out in ways that are harmful to themselves, others, animals, the biosphere and so on and so forth?

        When I heard you talking about your decades-old anger I felt confirmed with my assessment. Wasn’t here someone speaking of my kind of desperation regardless that he was talking of anger about oppression instead of desperation because of the ecological crisis? After all, these topics can’t be separated from each other and are merely different expressions of the same underlying societal insanity.
        Of course I am not implying that you are handicapped by your anger or even harming. I only know your podcast persona and even if I would know you personally this would be something I would never say. But I am hearing sentences like “I learned to have that anger to exist in a certain place and not let it out. And sometimes when I let out a little bit, it feels like I’m tearing off a scab and the bleeding might never stop.” I wish people could acknowledge this in the way you did. I only learned to do so a few month ago. Thanks again, Chris, for your words. It feels so good to know that there’s somebody else out there feeling like this.

        Besides the relieve of hearing a like-minded voice speaking, your openness encouraged me to finally proceed with an idea which lurked around in my mind ever since I first reconnected with my desperation. When I stood there, looking out the window, listening to my inner voice speaking of despair, wondering how many people might feel the same, I was thinking of founding a group in my town where people can share those feelings. Something along the line “My Name is Chellis and I’m in Recovery from Western Civilization”. Perhaps not exactly like Glendinning’s book title, but close to. A place where people can have the chance heal a little bit from paralyzing frustration. To heal as Carse describes it in “Finite And Infinite Games”: not to be cured from one’s illness, but to be healed with one’s illness by touch. It probably wouldn’t be a place where people are taking immediate action but rather could (hopefully) liberate themselves into a mindset which enables them to then take action and play.
        The upside of this could be, that if it’s already too late for any action to be effective, we could at least die together more peacefully. You know, I am not very optimistic that humanity will really solve its issues. But if we are about to go under let’s at least live the rest in dignity, with liberated souls and less burdened spirits and then die a good death. And maybe, who knows, by trying to do so, save ourselves en passant. That’s the only hope I manage to come up with now. But before having reconnected to my desperation I wasn’t event able to get this “hope”.

    • #27998
      Andreas H.
      Participant

      Hello Chris,

      I never heard you saying anything about “Ishmael” from Daniel Quinn. If I remember correctly Anja Kaatz mentioned it in her first appearance in Tangentially Speaking and you seemed to know it.
      If you know it I wonder that I haven’t heard you talking about it. Perhaps I just missed it. Or don’t you like it?
      What’s your take on the book?

      Thanks
      Andreas

      • #28098
        Andreas H.
        Participant

        Hello Chris,

        thank you for answering the “Ishmael” question. It was interesting too hear that it influenced your take on things.

        Andreas

    • #28015
      Will Stones
      Participant

      Hey Chris,

      I was wondering what the holiday season looks like for you. Are you a gift giver? Is there a soft spot in you for a cheerful Christmas song or a holiday rom-com? Or do you keep it pagan and rejoice in the days growing longer?

      I’ve heard you in the past talk about disliking buying gifts just because of a certain occasion and rather saving gift buying for any ol day when you see something a certain person would truly enjoy. But that may have just been about Valentine’s Day.

      Happy holidays however you celebrate! I hope these times aren’t too hard on you. Sending lots of love you way.

    • #28100
      Christopher Ryan
      Keymaster

      Here is a link to the December Video ROMA – https://youtu.be/ZVQCk7wko4k

      In this video I answer questions about whether to savor or defend a world that may be dying, how to be single but not alone, how to choose a safe place to make a stand, and my feelings about the holiday season.

      Thanks as always for your questions and support!

    • #28520
      Marc Handford
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      I live in the UK where we are now entering a second total lockdown and all non-essential shops and services are being closed. Throughout both of our national lockdowns television production has been allowed to continue which made me consider the role of television in our culture. What role do you thing TV plays in western culture?

      Looking forward to hearing your thoughts
      Marc

    • #28535
      Tom
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      Was just hoping for a little bit of relationship advice.
      I’ve been dating this girl for the past 2 years on and off. We dated for 11 months, then I broke things off which lasted for about 4 months before I decided I wanted to give it another try.
      We’ve been dating for around 10 months this time around and things are mostly going well. Definitely better than last time, but I find myself feeling 40% fulfilled emotionally and 60% mentally and physically restrained from what I feel I could be doing with my time.
      I don’t want to leave again because I really do love her, but mentally and sexually I don’t really feel fulfilled, and the restrictions she puts on my life, obviously unknowingly, is getting to me.

      Sorry if that was long winded.
      Love to hear what you think!
      Much love from Australia!

      • #28908
        Christopher Ryan
        Keymaster

        Damn, Tom, I just recorded this month’s Video ROMA and missed your question somehow. Sorry about that. Here’s what comes to mind when I read your question. 40% is too low, and 60% is too high. The fact that you love her is, strangely, irrelevant. I know it feels HUGELY relevant, but that’s the nature of love. It expands til it takes up all the space we give it. You’ll love any woman you spend enough time with. Love isn’t the scarce resource, compatibility is what’s scarce. You’ll love them all, but only be compatible with a few. You probably went back with her because you missed being with someone you loved. Understandable. But she’s no more compatible this time than she was last time. Not her fault. And not yours. I think every relationship breaks down to three components: love, passion (attraction), and compatibility. Of the three, compatibility is the most rare and most important. Base your decisions on that, and you’ll be happier in the long term.

    • #28615
      jandojando
      Participant

      Hey Chris,

      A question that’s running through my mind is the following one: do you think that bottom up change, people with good ideas, companies with a sustainable agenda etc. could possibly transform society for the better more effective, than top down political change?

      Take for example lab meat, the development of cheese without a cow, or meat and diary alternatives in general, this could potentially free us for having to use animals as mass products, so we don’t have to destroy forests for soy for their food, etc.

      Or just the way we design products, for example there’s a company where you ‘rent’ a pair of shoes, and you sent it back when they are worn out, they recycle it and you’ll get new ones.

      Do you think developments like these will just stay within the margins, without top down regulations from governments, or is this the way to go?

    • #28643
      Tyler Black
      Participant

      Hey Chris,

      I’m a younger guy, 24 years old. I moved to Arizona during the pandemic to begin grad school, and have kind of hunkered down to slim my chances of getting the virus. Do you have any advice on how I should begin to build a social life after things return to normal and I can venture out and meet people safely? I’m not completely without social interaction. I talk to members of my laboratory, my roommate, and my family. I just haven’t really seen a way to build a network of friends due to Covid. My interests are in hiking/backpacking, dive bars, psychedelics, and books. Any advice would be appreciated, hope you’re doing well out there! Enjoyed episode 456, too.

    • #28915
      Christopher Ryan
      Keymaster

      Here is the link to this month’s Video ROMA – https://youtu.be/OLJSjun17Yo

      In this month’s video ROMA, I respond to questions about the role of TV in modern life, some of the best ways to meet people when we’re past the plague, and change coming from the bottom up vs from the top down.

      Thanks as always for your support and questions!

    • #28935
      BillBradley
      Participant

      Dear Chris,

      As always, sending lots of love and warm energy your way.

      I’m a 25-year old guy with a decent-paying job and a nice chunk of student loan debt. The job can be intellectually stimulating, but is ultimately spiritually meaningless, stressful and one I am in principle ethically opposed to. If you’re curious, I work at a trust company in South Dakota, a burgeoning “international finance center,” aka tax haven.

      I want to be debt-free. If I remain at this job for 2-3 years, I can pay off all my student loan debt, and get this “load” off my mind. I read horror stories about folks who never stop paying student loans, and I’m aware that when someone declares for bankruptcy, this doesn’t get rid of their student loans.

      What I most want to do is travel, and live in a Spanish-speaking country. I’m certified to teach English as a foreign language, and have been volunteering for a couple years doing this, and also have been learning Spanish the past 3 years to the point where I’m conversational. I’m confident I could find a teaching job elsewhere, at least enough to support myself. Also, I don’t want to live in a country (US) where my medical bills can wipe out my savings. I’ve considered just fucking off with a few thousand dollars and forgetting about my loans. But as stupid as it sounds, I am worried that, if I ever come back to the US to live, it could destroy my credit score and future financial life.

      In short, I’m curious if you’d have any advice for someone like me. Should I just suck it up for the next few years and pay my loans? Perhaps my first priority should be a job I’m not ethically opposed to?

      Sincerely,

      Jon

    • #28964
      Alliteration Andy
      Participant

      Hey Chris,

      How did you overcome the fear of the future when you left your high paying job in NYC? What was your thought process for leaving something that paid so well? And would you have made the same decision if things were how they are today, or would you have worked there a few more years to save a bit more money and build up some security for the future?

      I won’t get into my entire life situation here, but I’m struggling with determining whether or not to leave a job to travel once this pandemic is over or work another 5 years and be more financially secure. I’m 30 and am worried about missing out and if traveling when I’m 35 will be too old and weird. I have been working nonstop since college.

      Also, I’m curious if anyone here lives in Minot, North Dakota. If so, message me on here if interested in meeting!

      Thanks!

    • #29037
      Tyler DeMunbrun
      Participant

      Hi Chris, I’m a big fan of your work. I’ve read both of your books and I listen to your podcast pretty regularly. Thank you for keeping it up during these strange times when we are all feeling deflated and discouraged!

      I have a question that might be relevant to many of the young men that listen to the podcast. So I’ll ask on behalf of all of us: what is the most productive way to deal with rejection? Years ago, I fell madly, stupidly, head-over-heels in love with a woman who didn’t care about me much at all. This hurled me into a depression for 3 years that I am only just starting to grow out of. I am a 25 year old guy, I’ve not had much success with romantic relationships, and nothing in my upbringing ever prepared me for this kind of psycho-spiritual turmoil.

      I’ve been using these past few months to take good care of myself, but I am wondering if you have any advice for all of us young men who are so discouraged by past rejections that we find it difficult to move on. How does one let go of the past? How can we work up the courage to keep trying to connect with people when we are afraid of repeated rejection and the depressive period that follows?

      Thanks my friend!
      -Tyler

    • #29141
      Tyler Black
      Participant

      Hey Chris,

      Thanks for your response to my question last video! I appreciate the unfiltered thought.

      You posted a link to a Psych Today article on porn addiction on your Twitter, which I read. Personally, I used to think porn was horrible and addictive, but as I’ve grown up a bit and gotten past some of the religious programmings I received as a youth (Mormonism) I have come to see it as fairly benign. For me, I don’t see porn use as an issue as long as it doesn’t interfere with your ability to participate in society and get your daily tasks done.

      I was wondering, specifically, how you view porn fetishes? Should one explore their fetish with a partner, even if it is a little per se weird (not illegal or harmful, though)? Also, do you think fetishes are immutable? I think there is a lot of shame surrounding fetishes, but as far as I know all of my friends and I have at least one. I’ve thought about this a lot recently. I haven’t read Sex at Dawn yet, only CTD. Hoping to get around to it soon.

      Anyways, hope you are doing well and enjoying life. Stay safe and cheers!

    • #29192
      Vincent Sharkey
      Participant

      Hey Chris! Love your work my friend. This isn’t necessarily something you have to talk about on the ROMA, I just wanted to get in contact with you in regards to a very illuminating book I’m reading at the moment, and wasn’t sure where to find your email!

      I hear you talk a lot about Australia, and I get the sense you feel as if our country is, at least compared to the U.S, a place that is somewhat enlightened. However, my experience living here is quite the opposite. ‘Our land abounds in nature’s gifts of beauty rich and rare’ is a line from our national anthem which is very true. But our land is being raped for coal and gas and all the rest at a rate that makes me fear for how long that beauty will stay. The worst part is, we are at a stage where it is somewhat reversible, at least compared to the U.S. But our government seems hell bent on scraping this country dry for all that is is worth.

      Anyway, I felt like I should get in touch with you, as I’m reading a book called ‘Dark Emu’ by Bruce Pascoe, which talks about the agricultural society of our Aboriginals and the way Europeans feeble mindedly wiped it out, along with the indigenous population, due to the classic case of white people’s inflexible and often bigoted attitudes. And how the prevailing narrative in this country today is that the indigenous people were nomadic/hunter gatherers (I hear way too many people here saying ‘All they invented was a stick!!’, referencing the boomerang), when a lot of evidence points towards a highly developed civilization, that had the appearance of being less advanced due to their incredibly harmonious relationship with nature. It is an analysis of history that I’m sure would interest you, albeit an incredibly sad story of white supremacy destroying vast tradition and culture.

      Would love to hear your thoughts on this, especially seeing as you may have already read it. I know for sure that it’s way up your alley.
      From Vincent

    • #29297
      Thomas
      Participant

      What are your thoughts on male-female friendships when one person is clearly attracted to the other?

      Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted something more with a woman who wasn’t interested and decided to remain friends anyway? What about a woman who wanted something with you that you weren’t interested in?

      This has come up a few times in my life – sometimes when I decided to continue the friendship, other times when I didn’t. When it’s the latter, it’s really difficult to admit a brutal truth like “I don’t want to be friends if we aren’t having sex” and not wonder if you aren’t a fucking terrible human being for feeling that.

      Lastly, though I imagine it’s more rare, have any of your female friends confided in you that they were the ones who wanted to pursue things with a friend who was uninterested? Maybe it happens more than I think.

      • #29307
        Obra
        Participant

        Interesting question — I guess find myself in a similar situation, dated this girl who was madly infatuated with me, then something happened (long distance relationship, other guy swoops in, I didn’t demonstrate enough affection, and so on) and now that I’m back in town we sort of stayed friends because I don’t want to just completely bar her from my life. It’s weird though, the attraction is still there, arguably from both ends, but it seems like the idea of being romantically engaged with me doesn’t touch her at all while from my angle, well, I’d be OK with being “friends” but letting other doors open ever so slightly. It’s odd, in my experience, when a woman I was passionately engaged with says no, that stays a no. It’s like they switch off and that’s it. But when it comes to my decisions on the subject… yeah, I don’t like to close doors hermetically unless someone really backstabbed me or something.

        …this brings me back to what Chris said in a Toma long ago — best way to get someone to come back to you, eventually, is to not extensively fight for it — you don’t love me, ok, go ahead do your thing, I’ll love you anyway and maybe, someday, somehow, you’ll look back and miss whatever I brought to the table… and then you’ll come back. I’m paraphrasing, but yea I think that was his point.

        Anyway, let’s see what Uncle Chris thinks about this. Have a good day tro5019

    • #29374
      mfrankel00758
      Participant

      Im a women who just turned 70. I try to meet men mostly through dating sites but it happens everytime…. we get along great via phone and texting then I meet them in person and i can tell on their face, almost instantly a big fat NO. Is it just American men are the men in Europe appreciative of a more mature women. Mind you I am very active Im 70 going on 28. …. im not drop dead gorgeous but im pretty I think…….and intelligent. Is it the intelligence that intimitates them, what is it? I know youd probably say fuck um but really is it all about the visual for guys?

      Muchelle in Syracuse NY

    • #29402
      veetron
      Participant

      Hey Chris
      I was listening to talk from Robert Sapolsky who says that dopamine is not triggered when a human or primate receives a reward but instead at the expectation of reward. That’s why you can promise a human a reward in the afterlife and make them work their entire life away. My question is have you learned any hacks from studying primates that we humans can use to live a better and more fulfilled life?
      -MadCarl

    • #29662
      Christopher Ryan
      Keymaster

      Here is a link to the February Video ROMA – https://youtu.be/PAKNap84v8A

      In this ROMA I talk about overcoming the fear of leaving your job to go travel, dealing with rejection and how to face the end of a relationship, some financial issues related to student loans and travel, and life hacks learned from primates. For more advice on handling rejection, check this out – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uf7A-mOMzs

      Thanks as always for your questions & support.

    • #29865
      Nate McCabe
      Participant

      Hey Chris, after reading your most recent e-mail to us subscribers, I wanted to quickly share a perspective I imagine many people identify with, but to my knowledge has been underrepresented.

      I’ve been a follower of your podcast and writing for several years…but I have never felt an allegiance to your work and opinions. Sometimes you bring a great laugh to me with your curmudgeonly attitude or on-mic awkwardness talking to thousands of strangers (I can’t imagine). Other times I feel disappointed you don’t seriously consider a perspective I believe deserves more attention. And at times you’ve even made me feel less alone and loved…

      But me and my trivial amount of money I give you each month barely gives a SHIT what you do haha. I just hope your public work continues to stay as authentic to yourself as possible; and I personally would like if that includes a certain degree of open-mindedness and individualism so much of your audience ostensibly represents and values.

      Cheers,
      Nate

    • #30000
      Obra
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      here’s a two-parter,

      your website is acting a little funny on my google Chrome. Unless I come from someone’s post through my Gmail, every time I click log-in through your website and then click on subscribers’ forum it acts clunky and logs me out or whatever. So again, the only way is through someone’s post.

      Anyway whatever, here’s my March Roma question!

      As soon as I read this article I imagined your possible reaction, cause it was my reaction as well. So basically they’re doing this Space Jam 2 movie and Lola the bunny is not gonna be this sexy anthropomorphic rabbit anymore but she’s gonna wear a baggy tank and be free of her voluptuous shapes because it’s too sexy or some shit and that’s wrong. Now… why? What is wrong with being sexy? Here’s an extract from the article: “But director of Space Jam: A New Legacy, Malcolm D Lee, told Entertainment Weekly that he was caught off guard by the first movie’s “very sexualized” depiction of Lola Bunny, and said: “This is 2021. It’s important to reflect the authenticity of strong, capable female characters.”
      This rubs me the wrong way, why can’t capable, strong, authentic female characters be sexy as well and use that as part of their personality…their shtick… isn’t this whole process the same as fat-shaming? I mean, it’s like… sexy-shaming. Why can’t someone’s aesthetics be justified for plot purposes?
      Think about Jessica Rabbit, the femme fatale from Who Frame Roger Rabbit — literally, her character is built upon this thing of her being extremely seductive and whatever and so why is that wrong? Why then can’t guys (or girls) acknowledge and simply appreciate that. Actually, writing this reminded me of that time you spoke about the differences when eyeing a girl walking down the street in Spain vs the US!
      Anyhow, I don’t have to go on a long-winded tangent, I’m sure you’ve made up your mind by now.

      I thought this story would resonate here. Love to hear your thoughts.

      And here’s the full article: https://www.newsweek.com/lola-bunnys-desexualized-space-jam-2-redesign-sparks-intense-debate-1574012

      cheers

    • #30058
      Will Stones
      Participant

      “Go deep, not wide.”
      -Taken from a mediocre tv show

      I’m wondering what your thoughts are on this idea. At first glance you could seem like a slutty wanderlust wide goer (that’s meant with love) until I think about the slow type of travel you enjoy doing, books you’ve recommended like Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, and the depth you seem to go into music and literature. Maybe you are a deepist after all. Is this something you’ve thought about throughout your life or only later in reflection?

      Hope all is well my friend!
      Take care.

    • #30254
      Ype van der Heide
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      As generation Partners I heard you say that when you get to a certain age, some things just get easier. It presupposes growing wisdom and self-knowledge. True, but in my case not completely true.

      Spelled Ype, pronounced Epuh, my name originated from the Frisian language, still spoken in a province in the Netherlands, and it means: He how troughs the spear or man of the House, As stable as the name might seem, the unstable I’m feeling at the moment. 57 years old, so no excuses here, I just stumbled flat on my face in my relationship with a Woman that loves me with all her heart for more than 5 Years now. Somehow, I just could not answer her love with the same depth and intensity. There were moments of bliss and truly felt unity, but more often my critical thinking side got the better of me and scrutinized the relationship and its worth. As a consequence: pushed by guilt and frustration, my mood became more unstable and somber. This played out with me occasionally pulling back from her emotionally, until I could overcome my somberness. She, first understanding and willing to forgive, in time warned me that I needed to clean up my act. Rightfully so I should add.
      We had long conversations, trying to find causes and solutions that could help us hold on to each other and keep the dream alive.
      Yesterday during a conversation gone sour, an anger build up inside me, I reacted cold and bitter, she was puzzled by my reaction, stood up and left the room and I could not let go of the Anger. The status quo remained, when she said I could take the spare room for the night. I understood there and then that I had to go and give her the chance to free herself from my love for me. We had 5, for the most part, really good years and beautiful moments, that we will cherish for the rest of our lives. It hurts, especially her pain. The next moths I will try to keep the friendship and also make some serious effort to get ‘my shit together’ ;-). 57, I need to hurry.

    • #30264
      Vincent Sharkey
      Participant

      Yo Chris! Vincent here again. Not a ROMA question, again, just saying that this book ‘Dark Emu’ by Bruce Pascoe describes first hand accounts of settlers stumbling across aboriginal grain storages (and helping themselves), contrary to what you might have learned! Check it out!!!

      Also sorry I wasn’t able to respond quicker, the website was locking me out, this issue appears to be fixed now <3

      Love and respect your work always. Thanks Chris.

    • #30365
      Kiwi
      Participant

      Hey Chris,

      25yo dude from New Zealand.

      One thing I’ve been thinking about recently is the group of people I have around me. I moved city about a year and a half ago in part because I was feeling like I had outgrown my hometown (city) group of friends. I’ve become interested in tramping and the outdoors, whereas most of that crew are pretty city slickers. Also I was one of the only single folk left and found them slowly becoming more insular, which wasn’t helping my cause.

      A year or so later in a new city, I would say I have a good amount of individual friends but not the same ‘crew’.

      I recently caught up with the ‘crew’ and was reminded of the quality of people and friendship. I also realized how much I missed them and that feeling of being part of a group. I’ve since started to wonder if maybe I should move back. However, I still think my reasons for moving city still stand, so am torn.

      I guess that’s the context for my questions: How do you think about the friends you have? Have you moved away from a certain group in the past? How have you gone about finding people that align with the things you want to do?

      Cheers

    • #30382
      Andreas H.
      Participant

      Hello Chris,

      I would love to hear you talk about psychological resilience. To which degree is it innate and to which is it learned? If there’s a learning part to it at all: do you think that there’s a window of opportunity when it’s learned and that after that window has closed it’s close to impossible to train it later?
      Do you consider yourself a resilient person? If yes: in all/most areas of potential psychological challenges or only some? How did you built up your resilience(s)? (You see I’m insinuating some resilience in you).

      Finally, could you imagine any advise of how to strengthen resilience when one already has passed the 50th birthday?

      I am very, very curious about your answer.

      Best wishes to you, my friend
      Andreas

      P.S.: Having spoken about that subject with a friend he mentioned anti-fragility. I also remember you mentioning it once or twice. Any ideas?

    • #30577
      Christopher Ryan
      Keymaster

      Here is the link to the March Video ROMA – https://youtu.be/9iq54mWBLvI

      I spoke about different types of friendships, going deep vs. going wide, psychological resilience, and how we often reinforce false narratives by proposing equally false narratives to counter them.

      Thanks as always for your questions and support!

    • #30643
      Shannon Frost
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      What would you say to someone who cant find their path/calling/meaning?

      Im 28 years old and I’ve had 30+ jobs. My whole life I’ve floated around trying different things but eventually feel uninspired and start resenting the fact that I feel like I’m wasting my life and I quit… all to start the cycle again in a different role. I’m hyper aware of the fact that life is short and can end at any moment and that in a way cripples my ability to sacrifice the current moment for delayed gratification. Im not depressed or mentally unwell (I think) but feel confused and lost about how to find something that brings enough meaning to my life that I feel happy to spend my time doing. Im not asking for career advice (unless you have some), I’m more asking how to probe and filter the world for something that I can find meaning in.

      Thankyou for everything you do

      Shannon

    • #31105
      Nathanael Ziccardi
      Participant

      Hey, when you putting Colin Beavan on the show already?? Hes a good dude.

    • #31123
      Thomas
      Participant

      When considering factors that make up your self-esteem or self-worth, how much value do you give to sex? And specifically for lack of a better term, your ‘skill’ at forming satisfying sexual relationships with women, whether one-off hook ups or something more serious? I’m somebody who typically goes a very long time between partners, and as the droughts drag on I start to feel more and more like my life is worthless. It’s kind of like in the absence of sex, everything else in my life is pointless. I’m not convinced I do any single worthwhile thing without subconsciously believing it will make me more attractive to women. Is this as unhealthy of an outlook as I think it is, or is it a brutal fact of biology that my life would be better if I was getting laid all the time? Do you think it’s possible to rid yourself of the need for external validation? It feels like such a weakness. Every day I wonder if we as a species/culture/society place far too much value on sex and romantic love. If being a man means getting the girl, I’m not doing a great job at it. For reference, I’m a 30-year-old guy with an otherwise great life. Maybe this is something you struggled with more at my age than now. Would love to hear any thoughts on these musings.

    • #31157
      Samsquanch
      Participant

      Hey Chris!

      I’m curious to hear your thoughts on smartphones and how they are absolutely changing the way we interact with and perceive reality today. As a teacher of young people, I’m extremely concerned of the effect these technologies have on their lives. I think it is especially pernicious for them as they have grown up as digital natives and seemingly can’t imagine a life before phones. I’m only 32, but still remember a childhood of being bored and making my own fun with my friends outside. I look back at these days fondly, as I think these are important times of social and psychological development. The kids I see today at my school are addicted to their phones to a level that it makes me incredibly worried and frustrated. Being “bored” is unacceptable – they always need some kind of screen or entertainment consistently flashing before their eyes. I don’t see much pondering or reflection in these kids. I think these tech are warping their abilities to functionally live in the world. This is compounded by adults who don’t model proper phone behaviour and also can’t navigate when are appropriate times to compulsively check their phones. All this being said I do enjoy looking at my smartphone haha .. I just hope we can use these tech in a way that maximizes our potential, not just as distraction.

      Cheers Chris,
      Sam

    • #31175
      Cole
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      I got out of a 6 year relationship a little over a year ago. We started dating when we were 18 and broke up when we were 24. I am now 25 years old. We ultimately grew up to be different people with different interests. I would hide parts of myself from her and would deny parts of my inner workings to make the relationship work. The past year I have been exploring and working on myself which the pandemic has provided a great atmosphere for. I amped up my zen practice and I see a therapist. Now I feel authentic with myself, have grown a lot, and feel pretty good about who I am. Now I am thinking about starting to date again. I have concerns that I will lose touch with my authentic self in a relationship. Things can get very confusing. My questions are: how do you remain authentic in a relationship and how can you tell if a relationship is promoting authenticity and intimacy versus when you should leave? Thank you!

      Cole

    • #31210
      Kasia
      Participant

      Hi Chris,

      I wonder what your thoughts on donating to causes are. I have become interested in Effective Alturism and am considering donating a portion of my income to a cause. In Effective Alturism it is recommanded to donate to the most effective charities as identified by https://www.givewell.org/ such as the Against Malaria Foundation (they buy bednets for people living in malaria areas) or for deworming initiatives or GiveDirectly (giving money directly to people in developing countries so that they can use it as they see fit).

      Many years ago I used to believe in God and donate 10% of my income to a church I used to go to. I guess I have fallout of love with donating because a lot of my money has gone to causes I no longer believe in now. But I would like to do something good with my life / the ressources I have and I am wondering whether effective alturism might be a the best way to go about this.
      Looking forward to your thoughts on this.
      Thank you!
      Kasia

    • #31239
      Christopher Ryan
      Keymaster

      Hi everyone –

      Click here to watch the April Video ROMA.

      This is the video ROMA for supporters of the podcast. Talked about how to be true to yourself while negotiating a new relationship, how important sex is to self-esteem, what to do if you haven’t found a path with meaning (in terms of work), the effect of phones on mental health, and how to have a positive impact on the world through donations.

      Thank you, as always, for your questions. As a heads up, I am going to Archive this thread, which is getting obnoxiously long, and create a new one. Please submit your future questions in the new thread.

      Best,
      Chris

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