Sign up for the Chris Club and get access to member-only benefits, including:

Sign up for the "Chris Club" and get access to subscriber-only benefits, including:

  • One video ROMA from Chris each month, responding to subscriber questions.
  • Free e-book downloads of Tangentially Reading & Talking Drugs, plus all future podcast-based e-books including Talking Sex (coming soon).
  • Access to a members-only forum.
  • PLUS tier-specific benefits below:

Monthly subscription levels

Pledge $5 per month

If you pledge $5 per month, I’ll be five times as grateful as I am to those cheap bastards who only pledge $1 per month over on Patreon. What were they thinking? This is a much classier scene over here.

Sign up for $5 / month

Serious Supporter

If you pledge $10 per month, I’ll ask my mom (Julie) to send you whatever you want (t-shirt, hoodie, signed book) after two months. Once we know you’re serious about this, we’ll ship the goods. (Please drop me a note to let me know what size, style, and current mailing address once you qualify.)

Sign up for $10 / month

Damn Serious Supporter

Andrew Jackson? Nice. Not the best president, but now we’re talking some serious cash. You get whatever you want from my mom’s garage: a t-shirt, hoodie, signed copy of her son’s (and daughter-in-law’s) book, a box of old photos she can’t bear to throw away, cancelled checks from the 1970s…. Anything! You’re the best! (Please drop me a note to let me know what size, style, and current mailing address once you qualify.)

Sign up for $20 / month

Hella Serious Supporter

I know I told those people at the $20 level that they were the best, but I was just being nice. If you pledge $30 or more, you’re the best! You’ll get the rewards for the $20 level, plus I’ll promise to try to remember to shout out your name next time I have an orgasm, and I’ll send a personal email to anyone you want (your parents’ anniversary, for example?). (Please drop me a note to let me know what size, style, and current mailing address once you qualify.)

Sign up for $30 / month

Non-Chad Non-Dolores Supporter

If you pledge $50 or more, you’ll get everything going to the lower levels, plus I’ll name my first child after you — unless you have a really strange name like Chad or Dolores. That’ll cost you more. (Please drop me a note to let me know what size, style, and current mailing address once you qualify.)

Sign up for $50 / month

Full Tank for Scarlett Jovannson

It costs about $85 for a full tank in the van, which has incredible range. One tank gets me from LA to the north rim of the Grand Canyon. That’s pretty good!

Sign up for $85 / month

Pledge $250

If you pledge $250 or more per month, and actually stick to it for a year, I’ll come and park in your driveway and use your shower. How’s that for an award! (US only) Also, I’ll name my children after you, no matter how strange your name is.

Sign up for $250 / month

Are You Nuts?

Do your parents know you have their credit card? Are you drunk? Are you trying to compensate for some horrible thing you did? In any case, I DON’T CARE! Thanks for the money! You get everything from the lower tiers, plus I’ll bring you breakfast in bed, wearing nothing but slippers and mouse ears — or whatever you’re into.

Sign up for $500 / month

Nah, don't wanna sign up. How else can I help?

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